Porn Clerk Shift Notes–the month so far. October

I have a Facebook group called porn clerk cult leader where I post little odd and ends from work. Here are a few from earlier this month

—Reason1 why tonight was a real winner. The roof at work leaks and the buckets need dumped i every 20 minutes or they flood the DVD room

—-Reason #2 why tonight was super awesome.

I hooked up with an older”straight” guy who had never been with a guy before after work the other day. Of course he wanted fucked. I could tell he was straight by How clean he was. I left him in the booth to have a cigarette and when I came back he must have gotten super high because he had gone crazy. Making weird noises, snapping at me. My boss was trying to get him to leave because he wasn’t putting money in the booth. I ended up just leaving while he was in the bathroom.

Tonight he called me at work and was mother fucker this and mother fucker that.

“Who are you?” I ask

“You know who I am. You fucked me in a booth last week”

“Well that narrows it down about five people.” I say.

I figure out who it is, he says he is going be at my work at midnight, he’s not mad at me, blah blah.

“That’s not a good idea” I say. ” You shouldn’t do that.”

He gets mad. Starts to threaten me ( did I mention he recently got out of a 9 year prison stint for bank robbery?). I tell him if he shows up at my work he’s gonna be leaving with the police and hang up

Then a bunch of shit happens and the owner of my store calls pissed at me ( I’ll tell you about that later if I have anymore typing left in me) and then crazy mother fucker calls again.

He wants to apologize for how he acted and He’s will meet me  at my work at midnight and we are going to have so much fun together. He wants to suck my dick, please let him explain…”

“We hooked up. Hookups don’t call my work and give me a whole bunch of shit to deal with. Hookups don’t do ANYTHING. I have a partner. I don’t need this hassle from some guy I fucked. I don’t keep hooking up with the same person. That causes problems for my real relationship. You need to go away”

Then he starts threatening me and I hang up

–Tomorrow is only like the MOST important day of the year. It’s like Halloween, Christmas, and Arbor Day all rolled into one! It’s National Custodial Workers Day! Along side my work as a porn clerk I also have my own Custodial business called Wicked Clean and that means tomorrow is my Day bitches!!

People all over the world come together to show their appreciation for the good men and women who work tirelessly to clean up the cum from the arcade floors and empty the trash cans full of piss and remove the endless amount of women’s lingerie and vegetables with condoms on them so you can have a relatively staph free experience at the glory holes.

If you haven’t been thoughtful enough to throw me a Custodial themed surprise party or you haven’t started a crowd sourcing fund to get me my own janitorial cart then the least you can do… And i mean the very least is make me a card or send me a thoughtful hooker.

Some famous custodians include Freddy Kruger , Schneider from”inner day at a time” and groundskeeper Willie.

An annoying fuck just did the “what’s your managers name? What’s your name bullshit” I’m so glad I don’t have to be nice to the customers if they don’t deserve it.
He’s in the theater and he wants me to change the movie… What is this three times now? I had a gay movie on and he came out and said the others guys didn’t care what they watched and he wanted something with women.
First off I hate it when they ask other people if they can change the movie. People feel obligated. So I put in a bi movie. But now he points to a tranny movie and says ” what are they? I want one of those!”

No. I put a bi movie on. I’m not changing it again. Not everyone likes tranny movies. When there’s a disagreement I put a bi movie on, that way nobody is happy.

He argued with me for about five minutes. By now there’s nothing he can say to change my mind. So he started in with the what’s your managers name crap.

Then he wants back in the theater after I go out to smoke. I told him he could knock or wait. So he waited staring at me the entire time I smoked.

He just left “thanks a lot. I just threw away five dollars”

Yeah thank-you. Now my neck hurts and I’m in a suck ass mood


Are there girls at the glory holes?

I think one of the ghosts is a girl. It wails like a girl but it could just be a really gay ghost.


A regular customer…an older rugged manly man was in yesterday. He stepped up to the counter and I thought he said something like “hello Mr. Wonderful.”

He’s in a good mood I thought. He’s usually so reserved. I was like “thank you, I’m doing good.”

He was a little confused. He had asked me for a bottle of Mr. Wonderful. He didn’t care how I was doing nor did he think I was that wonderful.

I laughed so fucking hard for about five minutes

Captain Hook Ups Rules To Fuck By- Basic Rules for Hooking Up Online

Hello kids, and by kids I mean anyone over 18 years old. I am Captain Hook Up. But since I don’t want to write out Captain Hook Up every time  I want to write about myself in the third person which I feel I might do a lot, Captain Hookup will refer to himself as Hook for short.

Oh wow, that makes me Captain Hook. I was thinking I’d have more of a super hero identity, a really slutty superhero and not an old pirate whore but you work with what you got.

Continue reading “Captain Hook Ups Rules To Fuck By- Basic Rules for Hooking Up Online”