Traditional 4th of July Midnight Visit From Uncle Sam

It’s fourth of July and you know what that means?

Fireworks, bar-b-cues, sparklers and a late night visit from your uncle Sam after everyone’s gone to bed.2986_5


If you can count on two things happening tonight you know someone in the trailer park is going to blow a couple of fingers off lighting Washington fireworks and your uncle Sam is going to creep into your room and crawl into bed with you naked and whisper in your ear with his foul whiskey breath about how pretty you are getting to be and how you turn him on so God dammed much.


So even though your uncle Sam can no longer do the really bad stuff because one time in the bath he injected cocaine into his penis to make sexual activity last longer and when he stood up from his bath not all of him stood up with him on account of the gangrene… He can still do mouth stuff and really jabby finger stuff. And don’t try to avoid your forth of July bedtime surprise by staying the night at a friend’s house because then he’ll give it to your friend even worse and she probably has her own visit from her own uncle Sam to deal with.

Uncle Sam & Sexpot

So good bless America and don’t run with sparklers and if you take enough pills or drink until your blacked out it may seem like your uncle Sam might have drowned in the quarry and skipped your room last night and you can live with hope until arbor day when he comes again